Like now, I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I looked very frail. I love looking frail and breakable, I love seeing my ribs, and it scares me so much that I love it.
It scares me because how far down this path am I willing to go? How ruined will I become? Will I ever recover?
I also think that maybe I should stop. Maybe I should try to recover. I am not healthy. But then again I don’t care. I want to be thin. Am I too thin? It kinda looked like it in that spur of the moment. But I know when I wake up I’ll look in the mirror and see fat again. Even now as I sit I feel my stomach fat. I feel my thighs touching.
I am scared, yes, but more scared of gaining weight. I need to keep losing.
Fucking hell, I am very ill, aren’t I?
Fucking disgusting. This is the third one. Think with your head, not your penis. I have an eating disorder. I posted looking for a buddy I can talk to when I want to binge and purge. Someone else with an ED I can talk to when I can’t go on with life. A friend who can empathize. Don’t fucking message me trying to get into my pants. I’m sick, for fuck’s sake, I’m sick. I’m suffering day and night from this stupid disorder and this is my cry for help. Yet there are people out there taking advantage of this? Where’s your conscience? Where’s your humanity? Are you even human? Go away. Please.
Ok had to delete my kik within 5 minutes because 2 guys who weren’t even following me and who had questionable blogs messaged me… guess putting my kik out to public wasn’t the greatest idea lol. Well anyways if you want my kik message me on non-anon for it, and we can help each other through our fucked up relationships with food and weight loss
Been doing myfitnesspal but I’m too lazy to input lol here’s my best estimate
- apple (80 )
- Twistos, like 8 pieces (50)
- 1 cup cantaloupe pieces (50)
- apple (80)
- 2 slices of bread (180)
- 1 tbsp of light peanut butter (80)
- 1 banana (100)
- Twists, 8 more pieces (50)
- 2 cup cantaloupe pieces (100)
Total: 770 calories
Exercise: 600 calories on the elliptical + abs abs abs
Net: 170 calories wow that seems so good lol let’s see if this can last more than 3 days without binging
I really really really want to make today one of those days where I just binge and eat non stop and constantly until I want to puke and hate myself. I know I will regret it. But I still want it. I hate myself for wanting to binge. Thinking about all the food I might eat today makes me anxious and I can’t concentrate on school work. Please, guys, motivate me. Tell me to NOT binge today =(